Monday, November 29, 2010

"Oh by gosh by golly, it's time for mistletoe and holly...

...overeating, merry greeting from relatives you don't know." Mistletoe and Holly by Frank Sinatra.

So I got up early today and opened my computer with every intention of working.

But I got sidetracked as I checked my email and saw a 24-hour-limited coupon for online shopping that would drastically impact my Christmas shopping capabilities. I quickly utilized this coupon and made several very good purchases (if I do say so myself--I think everybody will like their presents this year!) that I could not have otherwise made--yay for cyber Monday!

An hour and a half later, I started work for real. That is, I opened IMDB, and you can imagine how quickly my work-train of thought was derailed when I saw this movie ad.

Oh. My. Goodness.

For those of you who did not go to a certain private liberal arts college between the years of 2003 and 2005, and listen to an online radio production of "Ambassador Ickalok," this may not seem like the earth-shattering, mind-blowing, eyeball-melting event that it is. This storyline was thought up YEARS ago by my schoolmates, and now Disney is making it into a movie!!!!!! I can't wait to watch and laugh.

You see, we had a history professor who taught us that one of the major problem in early american history was the attempt of Europeans to settle without women--they made little camps and fought Indians--er, Native Americans--and tried to create a "society" with only 50% of the necessary sexes. Hence, the realization that they "need more women."

This amusing phrase captured the imagination of some of our more artistically inclined students who turned it into a comic web-radio bit about a martian, Ickalok, who came to earth in peace as an ambassador requesting women to come to Mars and help their society fully colonize the planet. I wish I had a link for you all, the original is truly hysterical, but this rough remembered sketch will have to do:

'Ello, earthlings, this is Ambassador Ickalock! I come in peace!

I am from very far away, on the planet Mars, and I am here for one thing.

We Need More Women!

We landed in Russia, and they had women, yes, and I looked around, and there were fat women and skinny women and short women and tall women, and blonde women, and brunette women, but there were no con-ser-va-tives!

So I heard of this small school in America because I realized we needed con-ser-va-tive women! So, if you will all make your way here, onto my space ship, we'll be on our way back to the planet Mars...

Uh, right this way ladies...

Um, anyone? No sir, you are not a woman, and we need more women.

Um, ok, I'll be back.

Please talk amongst yourselves...

Yes, surely some of you would love to come help colonize Mars...

I told you sir, get back!





Etc. A few weeks later, a sequel was revealed. I forget the preliminary scripting, but a superior to Ickalock evaluated his record, and found that no women had responded to his plea. We pick up there.

"Didn't you tell them we need more women?"

"I told them, but they would not come with me!"

"Did you check in Russia?"

"Yes, sir, but there were no con-ser-va-tives!"

"Ah. Then why did you not force them to come?"

"Sir! Con-ser-va-tive women have guns!"

"There is no excuse for your failure. Heads will roll for this!"

"I am an Ambassador! I have diplomatic immunity!"

"Ickalock, you are hereby stripped of your Ambassadorship!"

"Oh no, please sir!"

"I will find con-ser-va-tive women, and your head will roll and roll and roll and land in the muddy dirt!"

"No, not the muddy dirt!"

"Muddy dirt is your destiny!"

"Aaaaaaah!" (rolling noise, squelching mud noise).


And now you understand my surprised delight at this Disney movie!

Anyhow, now I REALLY need to get to work. Love!

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