Thursday, April 09, 2009

"Oh my dreams...'s never quite as it seems."

I'm sitting in the airport about to come home (finally!) for spring break. I can't wait. 

This has been such a long, crazy semester, but there's been some awfully good times. Just this week, for example, "Benalicious" (as he calls himself) and my roomie and I got up at 4am and went into the city to watch the sunrise over the tidal basin, and to see the cherry blossoms. It was so lovely! We were freezing, of course, and we all clung to each other for an hour while we waited, then finally the sun rose, and it got warm, and we had bagels and cream cheese and mango orange juice, and we walked amongst memorials and took pictures in front of the blossoms. This was one of our many adventures this week. 
I feel rather sad, just the same. A dear friend (with the best intentions, and probably quite for my own good) has edited my resume so I seem quite grown up and serious, and he got me a new, serious email address, and I have to admit, I'm sitting alone amongst a bunch of strangers, with my new address and another application for another serious job, and just feeling like Wendy when she found out she had to leave the nursery. 

Indeed, this is so exciting, a real job, that seems like it might actually happen! But I can only look at it it with dread. God, is this really what you want for me? Maybe I'm just being silly. Probably. But why do I feel like the life of me is being squeezed out to make room for serious business--the kind of things I hate? But Peter Pan had to give up real love for his childish things, and charming though that is in the story, the reality of life must be addressed practically, and looking at the facts. I hate facts. This would pay, this would be right in line with my major, and this would be all kinds of interesting things--I may even be good at it. Or I may not, in which case I can quit. 

Or they might not even offer me a job, and then I don't have to worry about it. :) 

Curious--I want a job so badly, but when something actually comes up, I don't want it? Such a coward. Grow up, young lady.

So there. 

Isn't it ironic?

1 comment:

MagistraCarminum said...

Ooh- will you be in LA or only in Portales? Tim and Nikki arrive Friday morning and will leave after church on Sunday. Can we see you if you're here?!?!
Chris, who is hating to get her hopes up, so send me the details from your new, serious e-mail address :-)